Advice From Wisdom

Nadia Wrote

A man whose actions don’t meet his words gets tiring and frustrating. What does the woman dating this man need to do besides talking and trying to clarify all the time?

Your actions are speaking so loudly I can’t hear what you are saying. ~Author Unknown

I am an advocate for relationships but only when they are mutually being pursued. If you are dating and you are already having communication issues that should be a red flag in the relationship. Effective communication is the key to any effective team. I don’t buy into the idea that one of the parties just “don’t get it.” However, I do understand when one of the parties has chosen they don’t want to get it.
Effective communication can be fixed if both parties are considerate of each other and their interpretation of information. Often times we become selfish in our communication and lack the ability to put in the effort necessary for effective communication. We enter into conversations convinced that our point of view is right and in return we dictate information and are not open for recommendations.
Effective communication in any team requires all parties to be open to new ideas, recommendations, dreams and visions. It is the overall goal of the TEAM that matters not the ideas of one individual. If you cannot make the adjustments necessary to hear the actions and interpret the information to your liking you may not be the right fit for that team.

Nadia also asked
When a man does not commit, does it automatically mean he is not into you or should each situation have its special consideration?

When dating you should have love goals and these goals should be communicated during the first few weeks of dating. Just like any other goals in life you want to make sure your goals are in agreement and if not, be willing to make adjustments to be in agreement.
Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
§ Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Synopsis: Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals. Envision the ideal characteristics for each of your various roles and relationships in life. (Wikipedia)

I would venture to say you may not have communicated your love goals effectively OR maybe you did and they gave you theirs and you didn’t listen. As a woman I know we have a tendency to interpret information according to our belief system. We will hear what a man says and decide what he meant. When a man speaks he has said EXACTLY what he meant he doesn’t need you to interpret his words.

Some women have this fantasy where they think they can change a man’s mind if they can just show him she is a “good woman.” Unless he is looking for a “good woman” he doesn’t care. He will use your good all up and it will end “all bad.”

Men think and women feel. When you ask a man a question, take a moment to face your immediate reality and “HEAR THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH!” If he says he is only interested in dating be prepared to date him, indefinitely.

Personally the only commitment I am interested in is marriage. I cannot ask a man to be committed to me if he is not my husband. The only covenant where a man is obligated to be monogamous is marriage. It completely blows my mind when women get upset with men,  that are not their husband’s or fiance’, sleep around. Honey, do you know how often men stay with a “good woman” but marry the “better woman?”

He knows you are not his wife and wifey doesn’t count unless you have papers.

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